Today’s (Overdue) Daily Thoughts….
Yes, I know been MIA yet again but it is that busy time of year again when I take two weeks off from work to prepare for and work the MS Bike 150 which was this past weekend and then immediately followed by getting ready for and working Harborfest. Yes, take time off from work to do volunteer work but ironically it seems to be the only time I can get off from work and this year has been especially stressful because it seems that everything has been happening at work as soon I took time off, so much that I had to work half a day on my first day off to take care of things and have been called, emailed and text message nearly every day, multiple times a day and then my boss sends me a message asking me why i did not complete some mandatory online training class….I can barely stay on top of the day to day stuff without these “mandatory” training classes that keep getting dumped on us….so my reply was not enough hours in the day and not enough me to go around, I guess working half a day on a day off was not enough, guess I should have just worked that whole day and done that training class too!
These past several days have been especially emotionally and vibrationally challenging with again no money in the bank but having to use my Paypal account to pay for parking down here getting ready for Harborfest AND pay for lunch and soon dinner when we officially open and still got people bugging me and begging endlessly to give them money to pay rent, money to buy food, money for medicine because they are sick and on and on and on….its making me crazy how everyone thinks they can just ask for any amount of money and I am just supposed to have it laying around in surplus to give to them…..NOW, YES…I would love to have money in surplus and to be honest IF I had it I would not mind helping if the need was sincere BUT I do not have it but saying that seems to fall on deaf ears as they then beg for lesser amounts trying to get something. What is the challenge, along with the endless begging every day and night, is the “saying” to them I do not have any money which I know is also “feeding” that lack vibration even more thus how does one tell someone I do not have money to give them without it “feeding” more into that lack vibration? Needless to say their begging and my trying to “find” some mental and emotion haven to escape the begging and the daily bank emails reminding me of insufficient funds as they pay yet another payment and add their $35 fee on top of it makes me feel so “trapped” in the “lack of money” hamster wheel.
The one nice thing is at the end of the day I have been going out and walking along the waterfront on the Elizabeth River to get my daily Fitbit steps in and log my walks for my Pact (which I had $117 in that account but have had to cash out $75 to help get me through this week BUT i am thankful I had it available to draw from) and I try to take my mind off these things and enjoy the peace, the view, the setting sun, the nice boats docked dreaming about having one (or at least access to one) of my own to enjoy much needed and deserved leisure time, something that is so very foreign to me these days. Enjoying the peace now because in a few more days Downtown and the waterfront will be full of people, vendors, entertainers, etc….and then my walks will be weaving in and out of the mass of people. Of course will still be getting much needed air and walk time just won’t be as peaceful but will be full of many distractions to take me mind off of “what-is”.
Well….back to programming radios and setting things up as we open at 7AM tomorrow morning to start issuing radios……