That Lonely / Not Caring Feeling…..
I can honestly say that the title of this photo “fits” how my mood has been these past many months that I have been absent from making regular posts here….so much has been happening and “seeing” people for who they really are has made me (pushed me) to the point of not caring anymore which so goes against who I “really” am! And that has been very draining on me that its gets so exhausting (not sleeping well is not helping either). Needless to say it has become very difficult to “think and FEEL good” but the “not caring” has gotten me closer to just being and feeling General at some times until I get that email, text messages or phone call that knocks me back down into the pit….
These many months that I have been absent have not been emotionally easy and many days all that my heart hungers so much for seems less and less obtainable, to the point where I can’t even “see” the images anymore let alone “feel” them as real!
So I return (making an effort) to writing my blogs (this one and my Amateur Radio one) to help bring time back to “ME” as I have been going and going and going and GOING and doing ALL for work and everyone else and making sacrifices so that my son is taken care of but at the end of the day I am too exhausted and spent to give or do anything for myself….so that I just take my evening walk to get my +10,000 steps on my Fitbit and/or a logged workout for my Pact and the other apps where I earn points towards hopefully gift cards from my walk…that is the extent of my “ME” time these days where I do not take any phone calls nor answer any text messages or any messages….then go home and turn on the TV to the same shows/channels and just shut down for the rest of the night while my brain is rattling off ALL of the things that I need or should be doing now instead of laying across the bed too tired to do anything else and not wanting to think about all of the problems and challenges still facing me….
So in an attempt to force myself out of this pit and the hamster wheel that I seem to have gotten “stuck” in I am going to get back to reading some of the many books that I have from Abraham-Hicks and Ernest Holmes and again post snippets here along with the video clips that I also have gotten away from and stopped watching again because of being “stuck” in the pit …worse than being stuck in the mud in your vehicle, at least there someone eventually comes along and offers help….here, everyone keeps walking by since I can’t do anything for them or give them what they want (demand) of me then I am just ignore and my calls for help go ignored…..but that is okay because I do keep telling myself that I am going to be OKAY!