Their efforts will show you the position they want in your life. Not their words, promises, or intentions….

This so fit the current state and situation; and I already know because of the time of month one of the remaining “THEM” will be trying again to behave to try and make me “feel good” so that they can ask for money….money that I do not have to spare since still work at the Part  Time job has not yet resumed, even though promises of much work to be done yet delay after delay after delay stand in way of this work for the much needed money….but yes, I know the money I so badly NEED cannot be truly obtained through working long hours and myself into exhaustion because as has been seen time and time again, “something” will happen to keep me in lack as long as I maintain this ‘NEED MONEY’ vibration….something I battle with every day trying to break that “NEED MONEY” cycle.

Yes, I know for not having made an entry in quite a long time i seem to be here rambling around but there is just so much going through me mentally and emotionally that everything to running together and fighting for my attention. But need to shift my attention to dwelling less on all that is wrong and undesired in my life and more on “seeing” the life my heart hungers so much for without having the “NEED” vibration…..I buy the luxury lifestyle magazines (Unique Homes, Dream Homes, Yachting International, Show Boats, etc…) to help me “SEE” the life I desire, not so much this elaborate but much better than what I have and life that I am living now which is just mere existing in the hamster wheel at best and I grow very tired of living like this working and working and working more only to be so exhausted at the end of the day that there is no energy left to do the REAL work so that I do not have to work so much to just barely get by day to day…..

I keep these magazines and books out in plain view to help serve as reminders of what I NEED to be doing, just need to DO IT and break free of the daily hamster wheel and “THEM” and start building and living the life that I DESERVE and DESIRE for me and my son….plus daddy needs to be a (positive) living example of the LoA for my son, got the negative living example mastered, not that I am proud of this accomplishment, now it is time (past time) shift / change gears for the better….and get back to regular entries here to help me F O C U S on these things and the better life that awaits me and my son…..